Aaaah Love!!

I would like to introduce you today to the person who is responsible for making me go weak in the knees!! (For those of you who are very inclined to believe that I have a greater association with my tom boy instincts... please pay close attention... after knowing her you might be forced to abandon that thought completely!)

In true reality there are two people, one is a little childish, naughty and always in a glittery fairyland of her own. The other is the more refined character, safe to say the woman in me. Surprisingly, they are very closely associated. Lady number one we shall call "Princess" and lady number two shall be "PG".

PG is the one that makes me straighten my hair, grow nails, convinces me to put on some long sleeved frilly tops and skirts and top it off with heels. (Atleast when the my tom boy altar is not looking!!). I picture her as the sexy moi when I am maybe 26-29. She is the one, who trust me, can make quite some heads turn. Unfortunately, she rarely ever basks in public. She is always shy. Not even my closest friends have met her.

Princess is the more playful personality. She is always smiles. Always lost in this three dimensional world, filled with the clearest of skies, blooms of the most beautiful flowers ever seen, stretches of meadows of green, crisp air filled with love!! She dreams of the guy that will come riding a horse, sweep me off my feet the first time our eyes meet. She weaves this dream of the perfect first date, the beautiful proposal of the wedding to be. She manages to make me loose hours (generally on the days when I should be working my ass off to meet the deadline that is probably overdue already!!), thinking about the tiniest details of my wedding!!

As specified earlier, both are quite shy and I will be relaying this story myself.(They rarely ever have audible conversation with me.. so Its really far fetched that they will have one with you!!). And before you even ask..... Yes... I am talking about a boy that I liked and NO you can not know who it was.

Twenty two years of life have passed. Not once ever had I felt the way I did. I mean, there have been times when both princess and PG have perked up a little, but it was a always a passing cloud. They were feelings that lasted for a total of a couple of minutes before something else more interesting (by interesting i mean food!!) caught my attention.

This was a completely different experience all together. I caught myself staring at photos of the guy. Princess suddenly had a face in all her stories. PG was really bossing over my tom boy altar. I was found shopping for heels!! I could not wipe this smile off my face. Suddenly everything became beautiful. Every song meant something amazing. (But I'm guessing, this is my "ha ha hasini" personality.. and not princess herself. Ha ha hasini is another one of us... you'll meet her soon I promise... she is so much fun I tell you!).

Princess being the chirpy creature that she is…. Made me announce the fact that I did infact like him. I must however say, that’s not solely why I admitted to this. I always told all my friends, if I ever really did feel something for someone, I would never hide it. I mean how bad can it be? You like someone…. You think that he is an amazing person… and passing on that information can if not anything… make that person feel good!!! What is the big deal?

Anyway…. I waited for maybe about two months just to make sure that what I was feeling was definitely what I was feeling before telling him. (Oh in case some of you are wondering, why I have not mentioned the word love, I am not really sure what the hell the feeling was. I genuinely believe it was not love… read on further and you will know why!!) I know you are dying to hear what he said…. So I tell him that I liked him and have never felt this way before… and he said….. he said…. He said…( ok ok.. im playing with your heads!!) He said…. He thought we were really good friends!!

The big question was…obviously.. what now? I am very glad to report that both of us were very mature about it. He turned out to be the amazing friend that he promised to be and never once bugged me about it.

What happened to me? Well I dint turn out to be the DEVDAS as you might have anticipated. Hell I don’t think I even felt that bad about the whole episode. I think his speech about the kind of friends we were woke up “Appa’s girl” (Oh she is another one of us… she is the principled one in us… she is like a copy of my dad!!) She took over and made me realise what was going on. She rationalised with princess and PG and made all of us realise, its good the way it turned out the way it did… for a lot of reasons which I shall not list here.

And the question that hit me even before he asked me about it was this. Friends who know me really well know what friendship means to me. I would never ever jeopardize a friendship for anything. So how did I end up doing this? What If he had said no and never wanted to talk to me again? What if he had said no and I could not get over him and so never spoke to him again? Or even worse… what if he had said yes and we actually grew to be a couple and something went horribly wrong and we never spoke then? That is when the sad truth hit me… I never looked at him and saw a friend… I have always had these feelings since the day I met him. And as much as I don’t want that to be the case it is.

Anyway, as it turned out, I am glad I did ask him. I am glad he said no, the way he did. And I am very very glad that I have been able to look at him since that day and see a friend. I could not be more happy that we dint turn out to be a couple and we turned out be something more- really good friends. (I too really don’t believe in the “just friends- something more” concept!!) And I can say with great confidence, if we have managed to cross that bridge (I have seen, even as a child that it’s the only thing that manages to seriously damage friendships all around the world!!), anything else in the future will be a cake walk. I might need to make a little room for him in my best friend’s category, in time of course. (The people there have not made it that easy… they have managed to put up with me for years now!!)

As for princess and PG, this episode has taught me that they are important pieces of my personality. I should give them the due respect that they deserve. I wear skirts and heels not to make heads turn anymore, I do it because I enjoy it. I have learnt to enjoy the stories and dreams princess weaves around the guy ( who has no face again by the way) who will one day sing wonderful tonight on our first date!!